Thirteen-year-old Corinna’s world is turned upside down by the death of her mother. IF ONLY is the story of Corinna’s first year struggling with her aching loss while having to navigate the more typical coming-of-age dilemmas, with all their awkward intensity. Corinna is strong but fragile, angry and sad, yet she is also full of life and attitude. She endures adults and peers who are clueless about how to deal with her loss, but she eventually finds a mix of supportive characters, including an aunt, a teacher, and the kids in the school’s “death group.” We learn her innermost fears and the secrets she discovers
about her family.
After retracing her mother’s steps on a sometimes spiritual, sometimes hilarious trip to Japan with her father, the novel ends as Corinna begins high school with an emerging sense of hope. This heart-warming and humorous novel shines a light on the profound ways such a loss changes our lives.
Reviews
From a widowed father:
The school counselor recommended your book which we read each night (one chapter) since last week. You would not believe how much your book has helped us. Our daughter, through your book, was able to discuss all the feelings she was keeping to herself and really enjoys it as she identifies with Corinna.
From a widowed mother of a teen…
“I was completely touched by {my daughter’s book} review, and grateful to you for writing the book that prompted it. It’s been four years since her Dad died, and this is as close as we’ve gotten yet to talking about what’s inside…
From a widowed father:
It helped me understand a bit of what my girls, even though older, might be feeling. I can see how Corinna “just wants to have a normal life”, and not be treated specially. It helped me get inside their heads, to understand better what they want or need or feel. What surprised me most is that I related to it quite a bit myself. I feel some of the same things. I also just want to have a normal life – like the one we were having.
From a widowed mother:
When I started reading it, {my daughter} saw it and got so excited about reading it,
that she wanted to read it right away and practically snatched it out of my hand…I decided that since my kids had been through their own loss and we had always been so open about it, she’d be fine reading it, and as it turned out, she loved it, and once she finished it, she started reading it again!
From a children’s librarian:
I’m a children’s librarian and I had seen If Only on our shelves. It was one of those books that kind of called to me. I finally checked it out and am so grateful I did. My dad died of cancer at the beginning of my freshman year in high school. I had recently turned 14 years old. The voice you give Corinna has been so healing for me. It’s been 28 years since my dad passed, but there’s always different levels of grief. So much of what Corinna said and thought were exactly things that I was thinking as I was dealing with the loss of my dad – in and out of school. This story was very healing for me. Thank you so much for writing it! I can still hear myself saying, “Yes! Yes!” as I read it!
From a high school teacher:
…a stellar job of capturing the voice of an 8th grader. Corinna is not only courageous, honest, and complex, but she is someone I can imagine being friends with in middle school. Her language, attitude, and moods are so reminiscent of my own time in middle school that they immediately transport me back there! The book gives our readers concrete tools for dealing with grief. Both through the group counseling sessions and the dialogue between Corinna and Clare, the author gently guides readers to understand what words are hurtful and which ones help heal. It’s obvious this book was written by a deeply empathetic person as well as an experienced social worker or counselor. Finally, the book provides a lovely window into the grief counseling with those who’ve suffered loss. This book should be read by every social worker, counselor, teacher and parent!
From a grief educator:
I led a few discussions of your book If Only with our facilitators at Good Grief, and I wanted to circle back to you about what a very positive, growth enhancing experience this was for us. There is universal agreement and admiration for the way that you so thoughtfully and thoroughly captured the grief experience of Corinna, her dad, and those trying to support them, as well as what happens within the context of school and friendships. Just as I had hoped, the facilitators had numerous “ah-ha” moments as they identified with various scenarios that helped them to gain better insight into both the grief experience and the “normal” angst of being a young teen. Your descriptions of what happens to kids in school and with other relationships was an important revelation, as was your depiction of how Corinna and her dad had to develop new ways of relating to each other. Our discussions were rich indeed! Reading and sharing your book proved to be an effective way to help us understand the weight of the work involved for a grieving kid and grieving adult as they find their way forward. In fact, one facilitator noted on the feedback form “this book should be required reading for our volunteers!” In the workshops I do for school counselors I always recommend your book for them to read as well as to share with kids. Recently I heard from a school counselor that she had the students in her grief support group read your book and how this triggered powerful conversations and connections among the group!
From a high school English teacher:
We are programmed to think and understand in terms of stories, which is so much more effective than a guidebook for most of us… you reached out to nurture tons of people you don’t even know.
From a grief educator:
As a grief educator, I appreciate the wisdom in the book and the way you weaved the realities of grief in a fictional story… The fact that your story is fictional will appeal to many teens and I’m sure they will also benefit from the way Corinna dealt with her mom’s death by joining the grief group, visiting Japan, and reading letters from her college friends.
From a leader in Education Reform:
It reminds me a little of that classic book from my teens, Are You Three God, It’s Me, Margaret? that allowed preteen girls to fully explore all their coming of age issues through the lens of a sympathetic peer character. That’s what you have done for teens who are grieving: Created a friend and roadmap and a story that is both compelling and comforting. This is a real gem of writing.
From a middle school English teacher in NY…
…the characters were so real…this novel poses such an important reminder that students are so much more than a number or a test grade. Watching Corinna reach out to teachers she trusted was quite inspiring. I also felt that her finding Clare and her honesty in dealing with Joci were poignant moments… Experiencing Corinna’s loss was moving and thought provoking. I told my wife last night that if I had an opportunity to read this prior to the death of my aunt when I was 16 {or the death of my dad 10 years ago}, I would be better equipped to deal with my own loss… I thought about my own children, and, when the time is right, that they need to read this novel… The group sessions were such a nice glimpse into the life of what we call student support services here at {middle school}. Those conversations, strategies, and friendships helped me understand what we all go through when dealing with death. I was so proud of Cori for writing David, and I now believe, more than ever, in the power of the letter.
From a professor who teaches a course on bereavement…
I found your understanding of grief–and of young people–so astute that on about page five I flipped back to the author bio and only then discovered that it was years of clinical work that have given you such know-how. But there are lots of clinicians with know-how. You, however, have managed to capture and dramatize with warmth, humor and depth so many truths about grief. If Only is a superb book!
From a teacher in Idaho:
This is the second time the mother of one of my kids’ friends has died/is dying. I wish I had IF ONLY the first time. I can’t imagine being the dying mother, or the child whose mother is dying. Just being friends with them during this time puts me on emotional over-load. I worked really hard with my older daughter to coach her through being a friend to someone who is losing a parent. They were 12/13 and the mom had leukemia for 2 years, and she was at a distant hospital for most of her illness. It was a wonderful, yet humbling experience to share deep feelings with my daughter, and to help her learn empathy and compassion… I will look for opportunities to get a feel for where {my student}is, and for when giving her the book feels right…I will have my daughter read it so she can understand her new friend better as well.
From a father whose own father died when he was 10…
Your book captures so many thoughts and issues that I had to deal with then and now…Your book, “If Only,” is that tight, long hug that I wish had been available for me when my father died.
From a grad student and grief camp counselor, whose father died when she was young:
I read If Only soon after getting back from Grief Camp, and I thought it was brilliant. It was so eloquent and, in my experience, very accurate. I can remember feeling many of the things Corinna did in the book. It inspired me to do more research on bibliotherapy for parentally bereaved children.
From an adult whose father died when she was 15:
I really enjoyed your book, mostly because I could see myself in Corinna. My dad died when I was 15…I was totally devastated, especially because he was my hero. Since that day, my life changed completely. I could not sleep because I associated sleeping with dying and was afraid to go to bed or fall asleep. I could not even stay in the house because everything reminded me of him and made me angry of what happened. Like Corinna, I did not want to talk about his death with anyone. I understand now that this did not help and probably made things worse. But no one offered any help in my school and I don’t know if I would have taken it anyway. Like Corinna, I was also very afraid that I would lose my other parent and be left alone, with only my sister, to face the world…
From an adult man whose father died when he was 13:
I know your book isn’t geared towards people my age…but I have to say that…it really hit me. I lost my father at the same age as Corinna and so much of what you wrote really resonated with me. I handed it off to my wife…your book really hit home for us both in different ways.
From an adult whose father died when she was 14:
I just completed reading “If Only,” and can reflect on each experience with great understanding. I was just fourteen when my beloved father came home from work and died that very night in front of us. My sister was ten. To tell you that I was in shock, rage, lost, deeply depressed and out of step throughout that year and beyond would be an honest statement. I often stayed home from school-slept in my parent’s bed-escaping -reading books endlessly…My mother did everything to make us happy and was herself a mere twelve when her own mother tragically died… My sister became withdrawn and rarely cried openly. When her teacher insisted she make a father’s day card despite knowing our father had died some months earlier, the breaking point exploded for her. The loss of a parent is indescribable and age is of no matter…Although many authors have portrayed the lives of orphans and children facing great hardships in life, your book is told from the child’s voice and is deeply understood by adults and children. “If Only” should also be a part of training for teachers and caregivers as a source of awareness in comforting and relating to children and young adults.
From a woman whose mother died when she was 14…
So many parts of the story mirrored my own experience: from growing up in the suburbs of DC, to going back to school after losing a parent during the summer (my mom died August 9th, the day before Corinna went to her own mom’s funeral)… I found “If Only” to be a true-to-life story, and I plan to revisit my dog-eared copy for many years to come. I will definitely recommend this book to {campers at a camp for kids affected by cancer} who have recently experienced a loss.
From a father whose father died when he was a teen…
…you have captured the voices of adolescence, grief, naivety, and guilt that visit those of us who lose parents while we are young. If only there were more authors who got the essence and import of authenticity…if only there were more who dared tackle subjects so in need of strong champions…if only there were more who could capture the quietly explosive combination of wishing for the past, concealed anger, and disbelief that strikes those who are forced to face tragedy before we are ‘ready.’ What a wonderful book this is, especially in its ability to reach beyond those who have met Corinna’s fate.
From a mother whose father died when she was a teen…
I loved every minute, even the painful ones, of being immersed in Corinna’s world. She’s such a beautifully developed person. I feel like I know her because of the similar feelings I’ve experienced.
From a woman whose father died when she was a teen…
…to have these emotions put in a story form so that children can relate to it, and not just the average informational guideline that makes the person feel like they are being analyzed…
From an adult whose father died when she was 14…
“If Only” should also be a part of training for teachers and caregivers as a source of awareness in comforting and relating to children and young adults.
From a woman whose father’s father died when he was a child…
…my Dad’s father died when he was 11. The book helped me to ask about what it was like for him at the time, how he thinks it affected his life – and this gave him the chance to talk about his father’s death with me for the very first time…{this book helped me} to initiate this conversation, 81 years after the fact.
From a middle school reader:
I’m really glad I got the chance to read this book because it is so true and raw. It’s not fake and it addresses everything grieving is about, and it gave me a lot of hope!
From a 17-year-old reader in Malaysia:
I brought your book with me when I’m outside and I had to {hide} my tears because I was reading it in public… I have two of my close friends’ dad that just passed away. I cried because they were so kind and helped me a lot. Thank you…for making us, the readers, to feel that we’re not alone.
From a young reader:
I just wanted to let you know how amazing this book is. It’s truly lifted me to see from other point of views and taught me how to be there for others who have lost a parent.
From a 6th grade reader:
Your book is so inspiring. I have never read anything like it. My mother lost her mom to cancer and I have never been able to understand. Your book is so great and I have recommended it to all of my friends.
From a 6th grade reader:
My mom gave me a copy, but I didn’t think too much of it at first. Soon after, when I started sixth grade my mom was diagnosed with cancer. In seventh grade, I saw my house on fire. Thankfully, my mom’s better now and my house is restored, but I still get scared something bad will happen even from little things. Although this has taken its toll, now I have a guide to honestly acknowledge trauma and grief. It feels really, really good to relate to Corinna and that I’m not the only one who faces these kinds of experiences. But when I’m alone, it’s easy to feel isolated and think about ‘what if…’ even though I can’t change the past.
In fact, when I was little there was a girl in my class whose mom had. I just tried to stay away from the issue. I wasn’t sure what to think of it when she cried. Although I don’t know her very well, but I sure hope she reads If Only. The book has opened my eyes…
From an 8th grade reader:
I’m currently reading your book “If Only”, a gift from my English teacher last year…she told me to read it. I have so many connections with this book that while reading it, I teared up…It brings back thousands of memories. I actually feel like I’m Corinna since I {lost} my mother back in December. It was hard but I’m still alive. I honestly think that so far, this has to be the best book I’ve ever read in my life.
Book review by a high school reader:
If Only documents the year following thirteen-year-old Corinna’s mother’s death from cancer. The book, which is divided into four sections (fall, winter, spring, summer), showcases Geithner’s talent at developing strong and multi-dimensional characters. Corinna’s feelings of grief and loss, as well as happiness and excitement, are all included to such painstakingly great detail that it seems as though the reader is also feeling the same range of emotions as Corinna.
For children and teens that do not go through the experience of having a parent die, comforting and supporting friends or family members who have lost a parent can often be a hard and daunting task. One worries about what to say, or what not to say, especially shortly after the death. If Only provides both comfort to those who have had a parent die, and for confused and concerned friends, clarification on how best to help.
If Only is a heartbreakingly realistic novel that captures the emotions of life with friends and family after a parent’s death, and will no doubt offer solace to those who have had similar experiences.
Excerpt
It’s fourth period, and so far, Joci hasn’t been in any of my classes. My English teacher, Miss B. B. Beatty (everyone calls her Miss Boppity Bop), comes up to me as soon as I sit at a desk in the back, next to the window.
“Corinna, I’m so sorry to hear about your mom,” she whispers.
I don’t hear anything she says after that. I have to block my ears and brain or I might lose it right here in front of everyone. I tell myself, “I must not cry at school or I might not be able to stop. I must not cry at school.” I wonder if all my teachers know, and if they do, why Miss Boppity Bop is the first to say anything to me.
The one good thing about this class so far is that Miss Boppity Bop doesn’t make us stand up in front and talk about what we did over summer vacation. I’ve had to do that practically every year since kindergarten. What would I say? “My vacation sucked. My mom died. The end.”